Ask Fran

Dear Fran,

An ex recently contacted me about resuming our friendship.  I don’t think she means anything romantic by it; she just wants to chat sometimes.  While I don’t in any way wish her ill, I guess I’m still hesitant to resume a friendship with someone who let me down so hard.  What should I do? 

Confused in Carthage

Dear Confused,

I’m not one for grudges.  But I also don’t like people.  I do enjoy snacks.  And I enjoy when people who give me snacks pet areas of my body that I can’t reach, even if we have quarreled in the past. 

Let me back up.  I am not one for grudges, mostly.  Three things:

1.     To the cat that hangs out in the driveway, know that the porridge of my daytime dreaming is sweetened by thoughts of your demise.

2.     I will shake into ash all squirrel life on this planet. 

3.     Deliverers of mail, your children’s children will feel the sting of my incisors on their calves and wish they’d never been born. 

But mostly, I don’t hold grudges. 

From one wary traveler to another, I encourage you to ask yourself, is your ex a mailman cat or squirrel?  Does she come bearing snacks?  If so, in exchange for what actions are these snacks offered?  

If you answered “no”, “yes”, and “tolerable ones” to the questions presented, I say give it a whirl.  However, if at any point she touches your feet, it is your right to terminate the relationship immediately.

Whatever you decide, the past is for learning.  Our allegiance ought lie with the present and future prospect of snacks.