Ask Fran

Dear Fran,

A while back I set a personal goal to blog more consistently – to write a new thing at least every other week.  I was doing okay at first, and excited to have a deadline.  But I feel like I’ve lost momentum and I have no idea what to write about anymore.  What should I do?

Sincerely,

Backsliding in Boise

Dear Backslide,

I don’t know about you, but I am the most at home in the world when I am ripping pieces of trash into smaller pieces of trash.  The orchestra of sensation sweeps me away for tens of minutes and it is not until I look up that I realize that the objects of my focus are arranged:  the loose snow of tissue is a grounded sky for tinfoil stars – green mazes of dental floss tease toward but obscure a blush of tampon.

In addition to collage I enjoy barking.  If I am honest with myself, it does not accomplish much for very long – a different squirrel intrudes, the neighbor dog will never explode into a cloud of shame and fear – but it scratches an itch. 

My art is controversial and rarely well received.  And it is ephemeral.

Goals are important.  Routine, too.  But when I say, I am most at home in the world, I mean I am unaware of everything but action.  I think that is the high for which we artists strive considering how lonely, cold, and mundane a lot of living is.   

Stick to your goal and publish anything -- garbage if that’s what’s fun.  Best-case scenario, you strike a chord and connect with another being.  Worst-case scenario, you do not, but you spend a few scheduled minutes on earth engaged,  doing something only you would do. 

To my niece, Teagan, as yet un-hatched

What we know before we know you:

You will be short.  There’s no shame in it.  You can do everything anyone else can do; you just might have to stand on something.  If there’s a choice between a step-ladder and a chair, the step-ladder is safer.  If the chair is your only option, consider wearing a helmet.  But also, remember that you can ask for and accept help. 

You will be weird.  I cried happy tears during your parents’ handfasting at the Tampa Bay Area Renaissance Festival, so I’m pretty confident about this one, but there’s no shame in it!  All the best people are weird.  It’s a fact you can look up.  Being weird is a great opportunity to learn about compassion.  Try to hold onto that.  You may dabble in being defensive, which is okay up to a point.  But fight the urge to be exclusive.  Everyone is a nerd about something and life is easier if you have friends with a variety of skills. 

You get to exist!  Biology and environment labored together to muscle-contract you into the world and that is crazy.  This does not always feel good but it means a lot.  But also, sometimes it feels great. 

We don’t know much more than this about you, specifically, but here are some fundamental truths to help you on your way:

1.     Farts are always funny. 

2.     Dogs are the best animal.

3.     Most things are simultaneously good and bad.

4.     Embarrassment is the most fertile seed of comedy.

5.     You won’t win an argument with a crazy person.

6.     It’s a good idea to memorize the phone number of the person you’d most likely call if you get arrested for a less-than-heroic cause.

7.     Everybody is just making it up as they go. 

8.     It’s important to remember to say “Thank you.”

There it is.  All of life.  

I can’t wait to meet you.  You can call me whatever you want when the time comes, but I’m your aunt and already a huge fan.

Love,

Alice

Your parents being cute.